22 Reflections on Being 22.

In one week, I will no longer be 22.

*cue Taylor Swift joke*

22 has been the hardest year of my life so far. A lot of things changed in my external and internal worlds. I thought I had everything figured out but all the plans I had made, or, really, the fantasies I had, turned on me, and quite violently. I thought I'd take some time to reflect on the things that had the most significant impact on my life and offer a summary of what I learned in my 358 days of being 22.


22. Maintain relationships.
New, old, family, friends... Having a supportive group of people on whom you can fall is one of the most important things a young woman (or man) can have. Be careful of your friends and stay away from those who are toxic. They'll provide you with a false sense of security. A parachute made of paper will only rip in the wind. I've always been bad about maintaining relationships with people I don't see every day. While in the company of my false "family", as I had come to call them, I disappeared from everyone else I knew. Luckily, my true friends and family were there when everything fell to pieces. But don't bank on that. Keep those relationships strong now so that you won't have to worry about anything falling to pieces in the first place.

21. Don't work too hard.
Parents, teachers, and other students place a lot of pressure on us to get out of school on time, with 4.0 GPAs and other ridiculous expectations. While working hard is good and can boost confidence and make us feel accomplished, it also bogs us down and wears us out. Leave time for fun. You're in college. Enjoy it. I have seen too many people taking 21 hour semesters and I don't understand how they can do it. I mean, kudos to them for handling that amount of work, but, again, you're in college. It only happens once, so enjoy it while you can!

20. Learn how to be alone.
This is hard. I'm an introvert, and this is hard. In recent months, however, I have learned to enjoy being alone and I actually prefer it most of the time. I believe that introverts and extroverts both solitude in order to maintain sanity. I recently discovered that I love mornings. Not my 8 am mornings. But if I have the time to wake up slowly, see the sun shining its yellow light into my living room and drink some coffee and eat a fresh cooked breakfast, it really makes for a spectacular day. I like to use that time to sit and think and just slowly prepare myself for the day. Mornings are so peaceful and refreshing. So yeah. Solitude. Peace. Quiet. I recommend it.

19. Don't date mommy haters.
I CANNOT REITERATE THIS ENOUGH. IF A GUY DOES NOT HAVE RESPECT FOR HIS MOTHER, HE WILL NOT HAVE RESPECT FOR YOU. Please protect yourself and don't think that you can fix anyone. You can't. Don't let anyone make significant life changes such as moving to another city for you or putting off a goal for you. It only leads to resentment. Don't change yourself for anyone, either, because then you'll end up lost and confused and stressed out beyond reason. Ultimately, you'll only end up hurt and it really, really, really sucks. Date wisely.

18. Stay out all night.
Because you can. I'm pretty sure a common theme in this post will be "Have fun. Enjoy your life. What other point is there?" Go dress up like a hipster and make fun of your ex or something.

17. Keep a journal.
I've kept journals since I was a kid. It feels silly at first, but sometimes you have things to say that you can't really say to anyone. And sometimes, you just don't know how to talk to people about what's going on. Journaling has been tremendously helpful for me in the past year. With all the drama in my life, I completely forgot how to confide in people. Well, really I just felt like I couldn't trust anyone with my real feelings. Journaling helped me become familiar with what I was feeling. Also, I stumble around words when trying to communicate verbally, so it helped me outline how I could tell people how I felt.

16. Be creative.
I mean, I know everyone's different and everyone has their thing that makes them feel alive, but I just love the feeling of stepping back from a song, painting, or photo I've finished and perfected and saying, "I made this." There's just nothing like it in the world. I guess I can call that joy. I feel joy when I create things. Even if no one else will ever see it. Even if you feel as though you don't have a creative bone in your body, I would encourage you to at least try something creative once in a while. It doesn't even have to be "artistic" necessarily. Build a computer. Learn to crochet. Take a cooking class. And for all of you artistic types, try something outside your discipline. I mentioned in an earlier post that from my perspective, all art is connected and I've found that by doing things such as drawing, painting, or photography clears out my brain and brings new perspective into other creative aspects of my life, specifically music. Make friends with artists of all types. Don't just stay in your niche. Because we can all learn from one another and give valuable feedback that may be completely different from what we experience on a day to day basis.

15. Do something crazy.
It's good to leave your comfort zone every now and then. Dye your hair (I went purple!). Get a piercing or a tattoo (mine is a tiger lily). This is a time for experimentation and really establishing who you are as an individual.

14. Do something stupid, but not too stupid.
Make a couple of bad decisions. Go to that concert in Dallas even though you have a test at 8 am the next morning. Eat an entire loaf of French bread while watching movies at your best friend's boyfriend's house (this might make your tummy hurt). Steal beer from a frat party-- they probably won't even notice it's missing. Just don't go all Walter White and start cooking meth or anything.

13. Try as many new things as you possibly can.
Eat exotic foods. Learn to play an instrument. Try your hand at painting or a new sport. I tried photography and it's turning out to be one of my favorite new hobbies! You never know what you might be good at until you try it. This is one thing you won't want to procrastinate. Age will catch up to you sooner or later and you don't want to be left with any "what ifs".

12. Eat well and exercise.
I'm so terrible at exercising. And honestly, the only reason I actually exercise on a regular basis is because I'm enrolled in a running class for school. But I definitely feel great after a run! I like running because it's a solo activity. I don't have to pay attention to too many things, just my body, my mind, and my breath. Same thing with yoga. I looooove a good yoga session. First thing in the morning. There's nothing more peaceful than a quiet sun salutation to wake you up and make you excited to start your day. Eating well is surprisingly easy for me. I mean, I love my carbs. Bread is my favorite food. I stir fry 5 nights out of the week with chicken, vegetables, and jasmine rice. Stir fry is fun because I can experiment with flavors and different kinds of veggies. And I just feel like I function better when I eat mostly fresh ingredients. It's just hard to keep my cat from stealing my dinner!

11. Be selfish.
I do this thing in relationships where I put the other person's needs so far ahead of my own that I forget about my needs entirely. That's not healthy. I will willingly settle for less than ideal or even put myself in uncomfortable situations to avoid hurting feelings. As an INFP, I'm an extremely empathetic being and feeling someone else's disappointment and hurt feelings is unbearable. But by ignoring my own needs, I'm doing myself a great disservice. It has made me into a pushover and it makes me unable to be assertive. So be assertive. Selfishness isn't all bad. You need to be able to look out for yourself.

10. Be spontaneous.
The majority of my memorable moments over the last year have been the last second "let's do this" decisions. There's a certain excitement in not knowing very little detail.

9. Treat yo' self.
First of all, Parks and Recreation is one of the greatest TV shows ever and this episode was perfect. The idea is to have one day where you treat yourself. Donna and Tom got manicures and went shopping. And, just as it's good to do nice things for other people, it's good to do nice things for yourself.

8. Go for a drive.
The experience where I had my emotional turnaround from bottom of the pit to top of the mountain was when I had to take landscape photos for class. I got in my car, drove South, turned left and just drove. I didn't worry about keeping track, I had a GPS in my phone for when it was time to come home. And it was liberating. I feel as though I will always remember that driving trip. I can't really explain the difference to you. But I left in tears and came home feeling happier than I have in years. And I still feel great! So don't worry about getting lost. Go explore. Maybe you'll find a park or a lake or just see some beautiful things you never knew existed.

7. GO OUTSIDE.
Have you seen just how beautiful the earth is? If you can't find beauty where you are, change your perspective. There is beauty in every place, you just have to get out of your bubble and go explore. Find new things. The sun gives you vitamin D, which helps you feel happy. If you notice yourself feeling a tad zombified, reflect on how often you've been outside in the past few days. No matter how often you go outside, it could never hurt to go out again. I like to go on hikes in parks. I like to go by myself so I can find a peaceful place to read and just be. Being indoors for too long makes me feel trapped. I need the open space. 

6. Don't be too cynical.
Now, I have a tendency to be a little cynical. Mostly regarding school. Too much cynicism can bring everyone down, though, so I try not to over-do it.

5. Invest in your hobbies.
Another point I can't stress enough. Do what you love. Set aside time each day or week or whatever your schedule allows and do something your truly enjoy doing. It's a wonderful stress relief.

4. Make plans for your future...
I used to think not having a plan of any sort was the way to go about things. Just let them happen the way that they happen. I think this caused me stress rather than making me feel like I had freedom. Knowing I want to go to Nashville to pursue my music/art career actually gives me motivation to finish school.

3. ...But leave them open-ended.
While this Nashville plan is all nice and good, I know that things can change in an instant and Nashville may turn out to be a dead end. As long as I know that plans can change and that I may change my mind later on keeps disappointment at bay. I like to say, "I live my life in pencil," meaning that if things change, I can neatly erase it instead of having painful, gross scratch marks.

2. Travel.
Being a native Texan, I don't travel much outside our massive state. Mostly because air travel is not only a huge pain, but it's rather expensive. And trying to drive out of Texas... Well... That's just silly. Dating a financially privileged guy had a few perks, one of those being the means for travel. I took a life changing road trip with him to California and the beauty of the American Southwest is absolutely insane! Costa Rica was in the works, but we weren't able to go. So I've yet to leave the U. S., but that will happen as soon as it possibly can! I need to see the world. It's too beautiful to miss out on!

1. Learn to LOVE YOURSELF.
Simple concept, most difficult thing to actually achieve. In my case, at least. My ex always told me "You can't love someone else unless you can love yourself". He wasn't wrong, he just happened to be a terrible facilitator of self-love. It's too easy to listen to the people telling you all the things to dislike about yourself. And I don't really have any advice on how to achieve self-love. It's just a thing that happened, and it was completely out of the blue. I think self-love is the result of a combination of all of these things that I've been discussing in this post. I was in Dallas, alone, treating myself to some coffee and breakfast and it just happened. I was feeling rather low, like nothing was ever going to go my way and then something just clicked and now everything is better.




In conclusion, you're a young twenty-something. Everything is still very new, only now you have to freedom to explore it for yourself. So enjoy life, and try not to let things get to you.

Happy Tuesday!






Soundtrack for this post: The Valley by Eisley